One of the best things that has happened to me in the past few years, is that I have met many wonderful women in the kink world. Women who are empowered in their kink, not ashamed of their submissiveness, independent, strong and self-assured. These women have given me a whole new outlook on what I wanted in my own life. They’ve made me think.
None of these women have made me think as much as Mollena Williams. As anyone who has read my blog, my tweets or who has attended any of my classes knows, I have praised Mollena’s wisdom, humor and humility many times. Her style is easy-going, informative, and always full of personal examples. As I looked around at the videos at the Kink Academy, I’d wondered why Mollena wasn’t in the lineup. She is, after all, in my opinion, one of the best voices for kinky women I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. So I was especially glad when I saw her video posted.
Strength in Service is a wonderful introduction to service and submission. In the video, she explains something that I’ve known for many years, have advocated and taught around, and yet, still befuddles everyone coming into the kink scene (not to mention some people who remain befuddled their entire lives). And that is that getting rid of preconceived notions about “how a submissive should act” or “how service should look” is the only way to really see the whole person. The video is entirely worth every moment when she explains The “Prime Directive” . That concept should be on the front cover of every BDSM 101 manual. I’m not going to tell you what the Prime Directive is. You’re gonna have to watch the video yourself.
I love that Mollena’s voice sort of “gives me permission” to be who I am. She is a role model who speaks my language. Remarkably well. Being a strong, independent, smart woman who kicks ass in high heels. I can do anything. I can have a great career, have hobbies I enjoy, travel, learn and teach, and anything else my brain and heart needed. But what I hadn’t looked at was that those were the very same skills that I brought to the party in my relationship with Septimus. The fact that I’m smart, am comfortable in my skin, know who I am, and what I want doesn’t make me not submissive or not in service to Septimus. Rather, those are the reasons and things that make my service valuable. To Him.
Talking with Septimus about this, he said a couple of things to me that now make much more sense.
When he first came into the scene, he bemoaned the fact that he could find dozens of girls to tie up and hit, but he had a hard time finding one to take to the theater. When we met, and although I did indeed like to be tied up and hit, he’d found someone who was interested in finding out what he enjoyed. Who enjoyed theater. Who enjoyed learning from and talking with him. Who questioned and sought the answers. Who loved words and books and reading. Who understood his needs. And although many of those are the same things I’m still working on, that too is part of my service to him. Working on those things that I enjoy, that he enjoys, and that bring us both happiness and fulfillment.
I don’t have to be a quiet corner mouse. I can have a brain and use it. I can be independent and strong and still be absolutely, 100%, unequivocally, HIS. My submission and service is what I’m giving in exchange for everything he gives to me. It’s not the same as anyone else’s because WE are not the same as anyone else. He accepts my service and submission in the way I give it, because I’ve used my brains and power to make it the best it can be. Well, the best on any particular day. Sometimes even the best fails some of us sometimes.
The other thing he said to me? Well that’s a funny thing. He told me that to him, NOTHING is hotter than having a woman who doesn’t NEED to submit to anyone, submit to him. If that’s not the best understanding of a submissive, then I’ll wear crocs.