You’d think it would be easy – consent, that is. It’s just a matter of saying “yes” when you mean “yes”, and if you don’t say “yes”, people will just accept that, right? Ah, if only humans were that clear cut. In spite of the efforts of simplified slogans (“Yes Means Yes) and metaphors such as “Consent is like tea – if someone was asleep, you wouldn’t give them tea, would you?” there seems to still be some difficulty in finding one solid rule to cover all the aspects of consent. That’s because while consent can be simple, it can […]
There’s a popular meme going around which compares the idea of consent to tea. The idea is that consent is as simple as asking someone if they want tea: if they say no, then you don’t give them tea. It’s a cute little metaphor, and it can be useful for starting conversations about consent on a basic level. Some sex educators find the metaphor a little too simple, though. As Dr. Nagoski of TheDirtyNormal.com put it, “Consent: slightly more complicated, because a person can both want tea and not want tea at the same time.” And these critics are almost always […]
While the “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” slogan has served the kink community well, more and more people are preferring to include the concept of “personal responsibility”. Even outside of kink people choose to do “unsafe” activities for fun – such as mountain biking – but the risk factor is reduced by taking simple personal precautions: a helmet. Looking at the route beforehand. Biking with a buddy, especially one who is more experienced. This keeps both the thrill and the biker alive. How does a personally responsible kinkster act? That’s most likely an individual choice, but here are some videos about […]
It’s easy to think of the sexy ways that you can do power exchange within a scene. Enjoying that kind of play in the bedroom in the context of “Fuck me harder, sir!” and “Bow to your mistress, slave!” is so common that it’s almost a cliché. What happens when the power exchange moves beyond the bedroom? Is it possible, or ethical, to extend that kind of relationship outside into the rest of the world? There are definite concerns about consent when dominant and submissive behavior happens where other people can see it. It can change not only the way […]
Marcia B. continues her discussion on non-monogamy during this four-minute, part-two video. In addition to encouraging you to identify the benefits and challenges of non-monogamy for you; she notes a host of motivations for open relationships so that you can better understand your desires and reasons for non-monogamy.
Most of us think we know what we’re talking about when it comes to monogamy, even though, from person to person and culture to culture, “monogamous” can mean something very different. That’s why Marcia B. begins her series on non-monogamy with a five-minute video on four types of monogamy: Sexual Monogamy, Emotional Monogamy, Social Monogamy, and Activity Monogamy. Food for thought when thinking about what kind of non-monogamy is right for you!