Diversity IS Kinky

The word “diverse” means different things to different people. For some it is an artificial attempt to create equality; for others it’s a long-overdue correction to assumptions built into Western culture.

At Kink Academy we look at diversity in terms of many voices. Kink itself is not limited by race, gender, age, or physical ability, so why should a site dedicated to BDSM education be limited to any one particular demographic? As a result of Princess Kali’s efforts we can not-so-modestly claim to have a wider variety of perspectives of kink than any other adult sex education site out there. That’s not just from the typical demographic categories, either.

For example, one of our most popular and prolific instructors is the amazing Mollena Williams. She has been instrumental in creating and encouraging kink education specifically for submissives and others on the “little letter” side of the power exchange dynamic. She talked to a Princeton blogger about how issues of race and class are innately a part of kink life:

Part of what makes kinky sex hot for lots of people is the wrongness. That we feel “naughty” that there is a transgressive element. I acknowledge the transgressiveness. I acknowledge that objectification is not fucking okay. And I consent to play in that arena anyway, because I am not one to let that stop me. It is ugly and it is difficult and it is painful…But consent makes the ugliness beautiful and turns the profanity of derision to a sacred interaction that permits us to dive deep into the bullshit, the terribleness of these things, and survive them.

Another presenter who has dealt with both the racial and queer related issues of the kink world is Ignacio Rivera. In an interview with EdgeMedia, they said:

The first time I ever went to a play party 15 years ago, I was terrified. I was one of two or three people of color in a space with 100 other people. A white woman came up and asked to tie me up and flog me. In those spaces, flogging was normal, but the dynamics for a person of color… for her to ask me that without thinking of the implications of what that would feel like for me…

This is why videos like Ignacio’s Trans-Queering Your Sex is valuable whether you are queer or not; it helps you understand the concepts around things like gender, pronouns, etc. so that you can be more informed as you interact in kinky spaces.

Another misconception about kinky sex is that it is exclusive to “able-bodied” people. Being in a wheelchair or having a chronic illness doesn’t preclude a desire to get your kink on. Shanna Katz explains this best when she talks about how it’s simply a matter of being creative about your negotiations, accommodating the things that one can do to match the the things one wants to feel. In fact, when you combine it with erotic hypnosis, there is literally nothing that can’t be experienced.

Thanks to mass media there is also an unrealistic portrayal of the “proper” weight that a kinkster needs to be – again, something that is totally false. While there are all kinds of sexy things that adult film star Kelly Shibari can talk about (and she does, over on PassionateU), for the Kink Academy she talked about how to adjust to a partner’s weight gain in ways that can support and nourish a relationship. If you’re looking for the practical side of “plus-size sex” then you can always take a look at Sara Vibes and Indigo’s videos on positions for strap-on (or any other) sex.

There are some who think that the issues around diversity shouldn’t be a part of kink – this is about fun and happy times, isn’t it? Why bring up painful subjects? At the Kink Academy, though, we agree with another kink educator, Dragonemrys, who is also the diversity and accessibility coordinator for ROPECRAFT:

“We need these spaces to be welcoming not only because everyone should have the freedom to express and engage in their consensual kinks; we need to make sure as many faces are seen and voices heard and respected so that we don’t end up embodying and reinforcing, through good intention or bad, the very dangerous realities with which we may seek to play pretend.

What it is that we do can be incredibly kinky, filthy fun, but we have to remember that we’re playing with people…and that we’re not kinking in a void.”

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