The fantasy of being abducted is common in all kinds of movies, novels, and bedroom dirty stories. Whether it’s the movie Bound or the entire Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice, the idea of the captured victim being overcome first physically and then more sensually is really hot for many people.
Like many fantasies, though, when you get into reality things aren’t quite as neat and tidy as they are in fiction. For starters, there’s the all-important matter of consent. Abduction play falls into the tricky realm of “Consensual Non-consent” in kink terms. This means that partners are consenting in advance for things to happen that are out of their control. This does not mean that there are no boundaries. It actually means that there are more boundaries, carefully set out, as well as a greater emphasis on how the people playing communicate. Mollena Williams has an excellent set of videos that lay out some of the best practices for negotiating consensual non-consent scenes including how to set up the all-important aftercare.
Another way that abduction fantasy play can be more risky is the environment. If you are anywhere that someone else can see or hear you, how are they supposed to know that someone isn’t really being kidnapped? Before you say “Mind your own business!” think about the fact that if it were a real assault, you’d want them to do the right thing. It’s a good idea to be thoughtful about who might be around and let them know – as a group – that there may be some extra loud or “play-acting” going on. If the police do show up, it’s absolutely essential that the abductor is quiet, respectful, and cooperative, and that the “victim” explains the game that was being played and stresses that it was consentual. That’s just the basics; be sure to check out Sir Guy’s guide for other things not to do when law enforcement shows up
Controlling someone’s body can be harder than you’d expect – when you watch things on TV it’s easy to forget that all those exciting scuffles have more to do with dance choreography than wrestling or martial arts. Roughinamorato gives quite a few tips for basics such as how to use hair as leverage and also what not to do. Joint locks, for example, are quite dangerous unless you’ve both had training in martial arts.
This is why abduction play enthusiasts often create “teams” that work together to make sure that the overwhelming force keeps everyone safe. Then again, more people means that a more thorough consent negotiation needs to be worked out. This may be as complex as individually negotiating with every member of the team. In one instance a woman gave the team leader a list of people to pull his “team” from, and added that since they were all people that she had played with before she was fine with them doing anything they had done with her before. This was a brilliant way to set and maintain her boundaries, since some people were only allowed as much as a spank whereas at least one other member of the team was a sexually dominant partner. It let her enjoy the thrill of an acceptable level of risk.
Whether you’re using a team or not, you might be tempted to use typical law enforcement items like zip ties or handcuffs. It’s important to remember that using these kinds of tools with someone who is pretending to be uncooperative takes some training. You might be better off learning something like Lee Harrington’s Speed Cuffs, since rope is more forgiving than metal and comes off more easily than the plastic of a too-tight zip tie. All of the usual check-ins that you would have during regular bondage play are still in effect, and it’s probably a good idea to have a “yellow” safeword as well as a “red” one. That way the abductee can find a way to let their captor know “This sucks – I would have more fun if we’d change it up somehow” instead of just stopping the scene.
For some people the thrill of abduction play is in the idea of capture, and that’s the end of the scene. For others, though, it is simply the beginning of some further scene. Unfortunately, some of the most effective methods for tying people up (such as the hogtie) don’t really lend themselves to the kind of sexy play you might enjoy from a regular bondage scene.
If you’re looking for something even more complex, Danarama has an excellent and in-depth series on how to run an interrogation scene. This is a series that spends the time going into the ways to plan a really good mindfuck – which includes learning more about human psychology, planning the environment carefully, and most important of all interviewing the subject beforehand so that you can both find their “weaknesses” and also avoid the landmines and triggers that can make a scene go wrong. A good interrogation scene is more like long-form improvisational theater, and that can be very demanding for everyone involved.
If all of this – the concerns about consent, the risk of having to explain yourself to law enforcement, the higher level of difficulty in the physical and psychological aspects – seems more complicated than you want to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with that. Like any kink there’s nothing that says you have to do it. If, on the other hand, it gets you wet/makes you hard/makes your skin tingle, you might just need to start doing your homework here on Kink Academy and arrange for your own abduction fantasy to come true.