Going back to talking about relationships, the latest video to come out on the Kink Academy website is, “Unconventional communication in unconventional relationships.” This video by Julian Wolf appears to be part 1 of what will become a series and it begins “by defining the terms (unconventional, communication, relationship) and then outlining three key methods of communication (the written word, nonverbal communication, and play).” Even though the title says “in unconventional relationships”, the truth is, unconventional communication is appropriate for any type of relationship.
The obvious most “conventional” way that couple’s communicate is by verbal word. Lord know Sylvanus and I do a heck of a lot of verbal communication, but sometimes, we resort to unconventional methods when conventional methods fail us. Our blog, for instance, is an example of what is considered an unconventional method of communication, the written word. My husband and I have embraced this blog to be not only a way to share our experiences with others, but also share our experiences with each other. There have been times where saying how I feel to him was too much for me, so instead I would write a post. It was easier to spill my emotions into a blog post rather than look him in the eyes. Of course, after reading my posts, I would look him in the eye as we verbally discussed what he just read. The writing was a way to break the ice and make the snowball of conversation happen.
Our blog also lets us understand each other better and also enlightens us to things we weren’t aware of. For example, when Sylvanus or myself write about a sexual experience, sometimes we learn something new. We tend to write about how things affected us more than writing a play by play. So it’s no surprise that we learn about new things that turns on each other, or we learn that something we thought was fantastic wasn’t so fantastic after all. Writing for us is both cathartic and enlightening.
Writing is not just limited to journal entries. When Sylvanus and I were more actively in a D/s relationship, he would often leave me instructions of what would be expected of me when I got home from work. I looked forward to these letters every day. They weren’t simply instructions. They were a connection between a submissive and a Dominant. It gave me something to look forward to when I got home. During the day, I’d be wet with anticipation to get home and read my instructions. Once home, I’d smile as I’d read what was required of me in preparation of Sylvanus’s return home.
The written word is also our main way to keep in touch while Sylvanus is away in Switzerland. Text and emails are easier and less intrusive during his work day than calling. During one of his trips to Switzerland, Sylvanus would also send me instructions to complete during my day for him. This kept us connected as Dominant and submissive and also as husband and wife.
Don’t forget notes! Simple little notes that say “have a great day” or “i love you” make a big difference in anyone’s day. Showing your appreciation or love to someone, even in a few words, is always well received. I’ve had lovers slip in notes to my purse or on my phone when I wasn’t looking and I always smiled. I’ve written messages on bathroom mirrors or left note cards by keys. Random text messages that just say an out of the ordinary message are also special.
When it comes to communication.. think outside the box!
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