I’ve been having sex a while and I’d like to think I’m not too bad. I like to satisfy my partners and also hope to enjoy myself too. I’ve been with B for a long time; he was my first and is the only man that I’ve ever slept with. I’m sure there’s some things I could learn to do things differently or maybe even better but I tend to feel pretty good about our sex life. I’ll probably have a look at the some of the oral sex videos at some point but that’s for another post.
Where I feel less confident is sex with women. I’ve only even been with 3 women and two of them were pretty much one night stands, part of trying to get that side of me ‘out of my system’ (like that was ever going to work!). Now I’m in a serious relationship with S, I really do have moments of feeling like I’m fumbling round more than I should be. I’m a woman, I should know what women want, right? Well, I have some ideas but then, we’re all unique and I want all the tips I can get to try and improve my sex life. I know that practice makes perfect so I’ve been hunting around for videos to inspire me and give me some ideas of what I might be able to do a little differently.
Firstly, I really need to get over my lack of being able to communicate vocally. I don’t want to go overboard and be asking how I’m doing every 5 seconds but it is something I feel I need to get over, for so many reasons. I’ve got to remember that I’m having to start over all over again and that I can’t read people’s minds anyway! There’s been two videos in particular that have made me think about my communication, both by Amy Jo Goddard
The first has been The Art of Dirty Talk. Obviously, it’s about talking, in a very specific situation but it definitely reminded me that I don’t talk a lot during sex. It’s not that I don’t want to, as such, but I do tend to feel a little silly and I can be very restrained, in certain ways. It’s going to be something I plan to take on board as I do enjoy dirty talk (I don’t think I’ll ever forget one of the things that S said to me the first time we did anything sexual *blush*) and I’d love to feel a little less silly about it all.
The other video that’s got me thinking about communication was Hot Hand Sex Techniques. There were ideas in there that I’ve probably overlooked before and some that I’d not thought about it that way. One thing that struck a chord was the importance of communication and it made me think about it from both sides. I need to be more aware of cues from S and I also have to make sure I give mine clearly too, when I’m on the receiving end. I want to satisfy and I still need to learn. The best thing for that is to know what I’m doing right and what doesn’t work as well.
This is one of the definite plus points to Kink Academy; there’s not just advanced BDSM videos, there’s also stuff that’s more basic and more about sex and relationships than just beating your partner (although there’s a brilliant amount of that). I want to develop everything about myself sexually and so I will have to go back to the basics for some things but all learning is good as you’ll always pick up someone else’s perspective on things.