I’ve often told prospective (and even pre-existing) playmates: “A lengthy make-out session goes a long way with me.” Seriously. I could just make out for hours and be perfectly satisfied. When I watch porn, I’m approximately five times more engaged when the performers kiss each other than when they don’t (boost that to roughly ten times if they’re live cam models.)
And yet… I’ve never even thought to share my thoughts on how to make one’s kissing experiences more excellent. Well, that changes today. Behold, my top 10 tips on making your make-outs magnificent.
- Relax Your Lips
Imagine your mouth as a baked potato (bear with me here). If you take it out of the oven, give it a gentle squeeze, and it has no give, you know it’s not ready to eat yet. The same goes for your face. Too much tension in your smooching zone is not only rather unpleasant for your partner, but it limits the ways that they can smooch you back. Picture your lips as pillows, rather than prongs.
- Rein It In
I can only speak for myself, but I’m personally not a fan of feeling like my makeout buddy is trying to devour my entire face. The demonstration of hunger is flattering, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t find it a particularly pleasant sensory experience, and I imagine many others feel similarly. If your faces part from each other and their lips have a ring of your spit around their perimeter, you may want to evaluate your technique.
- Catch Your Breath!
I rarely issue warnings about ‘killing the mood’, because I don’t believe ‘the mood’ ought to be that fragile. But if there’s one thing that will do the job (in my far-from-humble opinion), it’s gotta be bad breath. I have a few defense mechanisms I can offer you:
- If you’re out-and-about, carrying gum or mints on your person is almost always a good idea (unless you or your companion have a mint allergy, in which case, please don’t.)
- If you’re in a homier environment, you may feel inspired to brush your teeth. This is not advisable. Tooth-brushing can potentially tenderize your gums, making them more vulnerable to infections that can be transmitted while swapping spit. Mouthwash is a much safer bet. Do that, if you can.
- If you want to run a quick breath-check on yourself, here is a trick I learned from Matt and Kim: Lick your wrist. Wait ten seconds. Give it a sniff.
This is what your breath smells like. Respond accordingly.
- Keys, Wallet, Cell Phone… Chapstick!
Back when I was in high school, someone told me as I was applying chapstick that one only applies chapstick when they’re planning to make out with someone. I thought this was weird. I still think it’s weird. I, for one, never leave the house without lip balm in my pocket. Point A: you don’t want to worry about dry and/or cracked lips when you might be kissing someone. Point B: it makes you taste yummy. Go be delicious!
- Offer Encouragement
If the someone you’re snogging is doing a good job, let them know! Especially if it’s someone you haven’t snogged much before. Kissing someone new can be nerve-racking, and a quick confidence boost can make the experience more enjoyable for both of you!
- The Lips, the Teeth, the Tip of the Tongue
When most people think of kissing, they focus on the lips. But your entire mouth has an arsenal of sensations to offer. Lip biting? It’s pretty hot! Your tongue? It’s one of the strongest muscles in your body! Personally, I’m a fan of tongue-sucking, both as a giver and receiver. (The phrasing is odd, I realize, but I recommend nonetheless.)
- Switch Leads
Most sexual activities involve some sort of power dynamic, or taking of initiative, whether spoken or unspoken. If you’re embarking on a lengthy make-out sesh, though, be prepared to share the balance of power. It’s both empowering for both of you, and keeps up the suspense. In a few words: stop, collaborate, and listen! (Except there’s no reason to stop if you don’t want to.)
- Open Your Eyes
I couldn’t tell you who wrote the rule that it’s rude to open your eyes when you’re kissing, but I firmly believe that I have just as much authority as them to label it as B.S. Making eye contact while making out can be SO. FREAKING. HOT. Don’t deprive yourself of a potentially ecstatic experience.
- Be in the Moment
I am aware this sounds hokey, and rather abstract, but it’s worth saying nonetheless. I have read plenty of “articles” and responded to a lot of questions that want to believe that some sort of choreographed routine is the best way to master any form of intimacy, and that is the exact opposite of intimacy. The whole point of any sexual interaction is being present with the person(s) you’re with, and you can’t plan how your bodies will respond to each other. Listen to their body with yours, and improvise together in realtime.
They say ‘consent is sexy’. Us sex educators prefer to say ‘consent is mandatory’. But you know what? Consent can be really sexy. While I am a fan of sexual tension, to a certain degree, so many missed opportunities can be blamed on uncertainty. If Prince Eric had simply asked Ariel “Can I kiss you?”, he would have gotten a lot further a lot faster, and saved both of them SO much drama. (We also wouldn’t have one of the best Disney jams ever written but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.)
A simple “Can I kiss you?”
1) requests consent
2) shows genuine interest
3) shows respect
4) builds tension, which can be hot.
Lucas Brooks, also known as the Intellectual Homosexual, is a Boston-based writer, educator, and performer. His blog The Intellectual Homosexual has been named one of the top 100 sex blogs on the web by four different websites and magazines, including STDCheck.com, Between My Sheets, Kinkly, and Glamour Brazil. Over the last seven years he has traveled the continent with his one-man shows “VGL 5’4″ Top”, “Cootie Catcher”, and “Exit Through the D*ck Shop”. As a sex educator, he has presented at Dark Odyssey events, Catalyst Con, Arisia and at numerous colleges and universities.