It’s the day after an event. It was a great event, and you played so hard you can still feel it, the echoes of the dungeon music still echoing in your ears. The people you met! Even the new friends feel like old pals, and one or two of those people still give you those sexy butterflies in your stomach. And the mind-blowing classes and performances and conversations…
…and today, the day after, you feel like shit. Your head feels fuzzy as you think of the people you won’t get to see for a while, and the thought of trying to go back to “normal” life feels totally depressing. What’s the point? You just want to go back to that magical place…
Welcome to Con Drop.
This is the natural physical reaction to stress – even “good” stress (also known in neuroscience circles as “eu-stress”). At kink events where you are pushing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even spiritually, a lot of what keeps you going is momentum – the next play date, the next class, the next special party, the next meal. When that kind of “next-thing” excitement goes away, your stress-response goes away too – and what’s left is a whole bunch of fatigue, physical and also often emotional.
With a summer of events ahead, it would be a good idea to pack your con-drop recovery plan along with the flogger and the sunscreen.
One of the first ways to fight the drop is to start during the con. Lee Harrington, among others, recommends the 3-2-1 rule: at least three hours of sleep, two meals, and one shower per day of the con. That is the minimum, of course – most humans should get at least six hours of sleep, but with all the fun things happening at a convention, that might not happen.
Another way to help restore your body’s neurochemical balance is through physical activity. It doesn’t take much – a simple walk around the block can work some amazing changes on your mood – but if you really want to mix up your con-recovery with a little kink you could always do some stretches particularly designed for bondage. Pro-tip: even though you usually hear about bottoms doing stretching, it’s good for tops, too!
“Carbs & Cuddles!” That’s what Lucky Albatross recommends in her segment on self-care after a scene. That prescription applies to conventions as well – just think of them as one Great Big Scene. Physical contact increases the production of oxytocin, which can help fight that feeling of abandonment or loss that can follow a really good con. That is easiest if you have a cuddly human nearby, but a pet or even just snuggling under a blanket can do that.
In fact, Lucky has another entire video about surrogates for after care. This is useful when you aren’t able to get the physical contact you want from the person you have the scene with, or if the people you connected with at a convention are returning off to other states or even countries. You also might want to make sure to set up some surrogate post-con activities if you explored some sort of edge play, like humiliation play, interrogation play, or even more taboo topics. Nayland talks extensively about what kind of effects to expect after that kind of intense mental play.
The “carbs” are also an important part of this! One of the big mistakes people make after a con is to try and make up for what they see as a weekend of poor food choices. It’s entirely possible they were poor food choices, but right after a con is not the time to decide to have a new diet or some sort of purge or de-tox. Resa Amnesia, who has a background in nutrition science, explains:
…depression (the feeling, not the mood disorder) is related to decreased levels of serotonin in the brain…denying your body carbohydrates during a time when your brain is already struggling to catch up from lower serotonin sets you up for more long-term frustration and sadness.
Stick to complex carbs, lean proteins, lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and drink more water than usual to help rebound from “con drop” more smoothly and safely than with a diet.
Most of all, do what you need. Sarah Sloane gives one of the best overviews of why people in kink want to be “driven to tears” in the first place, and how to recover and function in everyday society afterwards. Recognizing the needs you’ve fulfilled and the growth you’ve experienced through being at a convention can go a long way towards integrating the hot kinkster with the “normal” human being you have to be for the rest of the world.
Take care of yourself! Because the next kink event is right around the corner…
This was originally sent out as our monthly newsletter, but by popular demand it’s been posted here for everyone!
Want fabulously kinky advice just like this delivered to your inbox once a month? Of course you do!
- The Many Sides of Fear
- A Very Kinky Independance Day
- Humiliation or Abuse?
- What’s a Flogger?
- When a D/s relationship changes
- Finding Time For Kink
- Five Things to Ask Before You Tie
- Can a Submissive Say No?
- 5 Ways Music Can Set the Mood for Sexy Time
- Sub Drop by Daddy Vinnie
- Using Metal Handcuffs: Sexy, Scary, Ow!
- Perverted Packing: Tips & Tricks for Getting Gear To Kinky Events
- Using Rituals to Start and Stop a Scene
- What type of rope should you use?
- A Dominants Guide To Making Mistakes
- Precautions for Sounding By Dr. Brian
- Aftercare by Daddy Vinnie
- Five Rules for Healthy D/s Relationships – guest post by Lady Elizabeth
- Top Drop by Frozen Meursault
- Hands Free Dominance by Measha Stone
- Study says….kink is good for you!!
- Who you going to call? by Brian Flaherty
- D/s-topian Future: Using Technology in Power Exchange
- Expressing your Inner Pony: How to Develop your Pony Persona
- Screening Your Play Partners For Risk Factors by Dr. Brian
- Can punishment be used in a D/s relationship?
- Rigger’s nightmare- whatcha gonna do? Handling falls from suspension by Shay Tizano
- Nipple Clamps: From Ohhh to Oww!
- Brain Lingerie: Kinky Role Play Ideas
- The Edge of Kink
- Chastity Play & Orgasm Control
- MindKink: Erotic Hypnosis for Kinksters
- Chivalry isn’t Dead: The Submissive in Shining Armor By Schadenfreude
- Creating the Right BDSM Relationship
- Can You Learn to Be Dominant?
- Autism and Kink – Guest Post by Amy Shiner
- Your F*cking Awesome Fetlife Profile
- Power Beyond Sex: Negotiating D/s Outside the Bedroom
- What Qualities Make a Good Dominant?
- Personal Responsibility and Consent in the Kink Community
- Happy 8th Birthday Kink Academy!
- A Rope Bondage Primer
- Furniture of the Flesh: Objectification Kink
- What NOT To Do When A Scene Goes Wrong
- Master, Slave, Lover, Friend: Navigating Multi-Level Relationships
- The Mindful Kinkster: Using Woo for Hotter Scenes
- Male Submission: The Beautiful Bravery of Surrender
- Why Is Spanking Fun?
- Get Whip Smart at Kink Academy!
- Here a landmine, there a landmine: What to do when things go wrong
- Let’s Get This Party Started: Getting Scenes Going
- Five Principles of Dungeon Party Etiquette
- 50 Ways to Get Started Having Kinky Sex
- “Not Yet!”: The Sexiness of Orgasm Control
- Let’s Get Serious: Adding Depth to Your Scenes
- The Kinky Blowjob – It’s All About The Attitude!
- More Than Sexy: Consent is Kinky, Too
- How To Beat Con Drop
- Primal: the Kink of Instinct
- Strategies for the PolyKink Relationship
- Celebrate the First Annual ‘National Erotic Humiliation Day’ – October 29th!