• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • About Us
  • Support
    • Getting-Started Guide
    • Video Troubleshooting
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Suggestion Box
    • Contact Us
  • Log In
Kink Academy logo
  • Store
  • Free Videos
  • Experts
  • Articles
  • Skill Level
    • Basic Skill
    • Intermediate Skill
    • Advanced Skill
  • Topics
    • ABDL
    • Aftercare
    • Age Play
    • Anal
    • Anatomy
    • Blindfolds
    • Body Image
    • Bondage
    • Boot-Blacking
    • Caning
    • CBT
    • Chastity
    • Cigar Play
    • Clothing
    • Communication
    • Community
    • Confidence
    • Consent
    • Cross-Dressing
    • Dirty Talk
    • Disability
    • Discipline
    • DIY
    • Dominance
    • Dominance and Submission
    • Edge Play
    • Electrical Play
    • Energetic Sex
    • Exhibitionism
    • Fantasy
    • Fetishes
    • Fire Play
    • Fisting
    • Flirting
    • Flogging
    • Foot Fetish
    • Gags
    • Gender
    • Hair Play
    • Hand Sex
    • Health
    • Hoods
    • Humiliation
    • Hypnosis
    • Impact Play
    • Intimacy
    • Kink 101
    • Kissing
    • Latex and Rubber
    • Legal
    • Massage
    • Masturbation
    • Medical Play
    • Mental Health
    • Monogamy
    • Needle Play
    • Negotiation
    • Nipple Play
    • Non-Monogamy
    • Oral Sex
    • Polyamory
    • Pony Play
    • Porn
    • Protocol
    • Puppy Play
    • Relationships
    • Role-Play
    • Rope Bondage
    • Rough Body Play
    • Sado-Masochism
    • Safe Sex
    • Safety
    • Scene Planning
    • Sensation Play
    • sensory deprivation
    • Service
    • Sex
    • Sex Ed 101
    • Sex Toys
    • Sissification
    • Spanking
    • Spirituality
    • Squirting
    • Strap-on
    • Submission
    • Suspension
    • Swinging
    • Switching
    • Tantra
    • Tease & Denial
    • Tickling
    • Trampling
    • Watersports
    • Wax Play
    • Whips
    • Wrestling
  • Experts
    • Aiden Fyre
    • Alex Bettencourt
    • Alice In Bondageland
    • Amy Jo Goddard
    • Andre Shakti
    • Anita Wagner
    • Antonia Aerie
    • Arden Leigh
    • Arthur Murphy
    • Ashley Manta
    • Ava Amnesia
    • Barak and Sheba
    • Bettie Rage
    • Bex Caputo
    • Bo Blaze
    • British Lucky Paul
    • Cecilia Tan
    • Ceil McTest
    • Chloe Camilla
    • Cleo Dubois
    • Courtney Trouble
    • Dan and Dawn
    • Danarama
    • Daniel
    • Dante Posh
    • Darian Gavin
    • Domina Snow
    • Dottie
    • Dov
    • Dr Patti Britton
    • Dr. Heather Howard
    • Dr. Jenn
    • Dr. Richard Sprott
    • Dr. Robert Dunlap
    • Dr. Ruth Neustifter
    • Ducky Doolittle
    • Dylan Ryan
    • Elle Chase
    • Erin Houdini
    • Eternal Angel
    • Eve Minax
    • Evoë Thorne
    • Foxy & Sherifox
    • Galen Dakadom
    • Goddess Helena
    • Gray Dancer
    • Harold Henry
    • Ignacio Rivera
    • Indigo
    • Iris Enchanted
    • Ivy Miller
    • Jacq Jones
    • Jaiya
    • Jaki Griot
    • James Darling
    • Jay Wiseman
    • Jean Bardot
    • Jillian
    • Joe Winn
    • JoEllen Notte
    • Josiah
    • JP Robichaud
    • JTease
    • Julian Wolf
    • Julie Hekate
    • KD Diamond
    • Kelly Shibari
    • Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron
    • Kim Airs
    • Kitty Stryker
    • Klawdya Rothschild
    • Lady Cyanide
    • Lamalani
    • Lee Harrington
    • Lillith Grey
    • Lucky Albatross
    • Luna Knight
    • Lyndon
    • M’kali Hashiki
    • M0co
    • Madison Young
    • Maggie Mayhem
    • Makael Newby
    • Marcia Baczynski
    • Margaret
    • Mary Kay
    • Master Rook & slave rook
    • Maxine Holloway
    • Megan Andelloux
    • Mim Chapman
    • Minx Grrl
    • Miss Kelle Martina
    • Mistress Katya
    • Mistress Mayhem
    • Mistress Melissa
    • Mistress Simone
    • Mistress Wynter
    • Mistrix Ms E
    • Mollena Williams
    • Ms. Cherries Jubalie
    • Ms. Nikki
    • Ms. Servalan
    • Naiia
    • Nayland
    • NCD
    • Ned Mayhem
    • Nil
    • Nyxx
    • Orpheus Black
    • P.E.T.E.
    • Panther Prowls
    • Patricia and Mark
    • Paul Rulof
    • Penny Barber
    • Pink
    • Poetic Desires
    • Princess Kali
    • Psydde and Amy Delicious
    • Pyro Sadist
    • Q Tip
    • Rain DeGrey
    • Renee
    • Rhiannon
    • Rhuff and Reddy
    • Robin Wilson-Beattie
    • Roughinamorato
    • Ruby B. Johnson
    • Sabrina Morgan
    • Sara Vibes
    • Sarah Sloane
    • Savannah Sly
    • Scott Bonelli
    • Scotty
    • Selina Minx
    • Serene Ross
    • Shae Flanigan
    • Shanna Katz
    • Shay
    • Sheri Winston
    • Sinclair Sexsmith
    • Sinnamon Love
    • Sir Guy
    • Sir Nik
    • Sissy Stephanie
    • SlutPhD
    • Stefano Laforgia
    • Stefanos & Shay
    • Stormmy
    • Strangerfriend
    • Strapon Jo
    • The Leather Yenta
    • Thista Minai
    • thrash
    • Tina Horn
    • Tisiphone
    • Topologist
    • Will Fredericks
    • Wintersong Tashlin
    • Yonilicious
  • Join Now!
  • Free Videos
  • Experts
  • Articles

Switching It Up

June 28, 2017

A feminine looking person with brown skin looking at the camera while a masculine looking person with lighter brown skin leans toward her seductively

Congratulations! You’ve taken the first step and decided to take the plunge into the kink community. Now what? When one first starts dipping their toes into the wonderful world of kink, it can be easy to think that there is only two possible options: Dominant or submissive. I certainly got caught in that trap when I was starting out. It took me a while to realize that kink is a free-flowing thing that doesn’t come in neat little boxes. Once I realized my infinite options, I was off and running.

As a poly pansexual sadomasochistic switch, I like ALL the things. Yes, I do. Kink is a giant ice cream store and I want to try all of the flavors. The beauty of switching is the options it gives you. There is so much out there to explore. So how does one break free of those narrow two boxes and start coloring outside of the lines?

First, you need to take the time to get to know your needs and desires. This is the most crucial and important step. Sit down with yourself, and get to know YOU. Until you figure out what it is that you are seeking, you will be unable to communicate it to prospective partners. A partner that doesn’t know what it is you want is just blindly flailing around in the dark hoping to hit their target. That is an unfair burden to put on your partners, as nobody is born a mind reader. The more you know of yourself, and the better you are at communicating your needs, the better your chances of getting your needs met.

It might take a while to figure out what it is that you want to explore, and that is okay. Think of kink as an open buffet, and put what interests you onto your plate. You can always come back for seconds if that particular dish appeals to you. Sample all of the things: Bondage, impact play, strap on play, sensory deprivation, sissification, humiliation. The possibilities are endless. If you try something and it does not work for you, you don’t have to try it again. Or maybe it will work for you, but on the other side of the coin. Focus on the things that “click” for you. You will know when something feels right.

Once you have a better idea of the kinks you wish to explore, you have to decide how your play will look. Some people switch fluidly with a partner, both adopting various roles in a single session as the mood strikes. Others may find switching that quickly in such a short period of time jarring, as they can only process one mindset at a time. For some, once they dive into a submissive or a Dominant headspace, it takes them awhile to come out of it. If this is how you are wired, switching in the course of a single play session will not work for you.

Luckily, there is no right or wrong way to switch. You may find that you have strongly submissive energy with one person, and a different person brings out a more Dominant energy in you. Find the people that bring out the energy you are craving, and explore it further.

A word of warning to my fellow switches: it can frustrate some people that you don’t pick a box and stick with it. Like bisexuals, switches are often labeled as “confused” or greedy, unable to make up our minds. We are not confused. Greedy? Perhaps. I am blissfully guilty of greed, and I have no shame in my game. Don’t let one true way purists harsh your shine. There is no one true way to kink. There is only what works for you and your partners. Go forth, and switch it up! You have nothing to lose and a world full of experience to gain.

 

Rain DeGrey is an international educator and presenter who has lectured at Harvard and Northwestern. She regularly teaches classes on a wide variety of sexual and kink topics, writes a bi-monthly advice column, and blog. For more information, event listings and classes, check out her website raindegrey.com!

Primary Sidebar

Most Bookmarked

  • Tie ‘Em Up and Fuck ‘Em

  • Sensual Domination: Getting Started

  • How to Handle a Challenge From a Submissive

  • Control Through Protocol: What It Is and Why It’s Sexy

  • How to Fuck a Femdom: Demonstration

Footer

Kink Academy logo

Kink Academy is a comprehensive library of 2000+ sex-ed videos for adventurous, consenting adults.

Quick Links

  • About Us
  • Support
  • Getting Started
  • FAQs
  • Contact Us
  • Educators
  • Articles
  • 2257 Compliance
  • Privacy Policy

Subscribe to Our Newsletter!

Copyright © 2025 · KinkAcademy.com

Report a Content Issue
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.